Select Station 23 – Excerpt 4 – Chris Verhulst/Vortex

Sleepily, he passed the living room door which was ajar. He immediately noticed that there was a light in the room, even though he was sure he had extinguished all lamps before going to sleep. Ignoring his bladder, he stepped towards the living room door and opened it. The first thing he saw was a scene that was theoretically not possible, but which by now had become reality.  

The caught in the act, the still life in front of him was illuminated by a table lamp, whose switch was on the floor. Vortex could have accidentally switched it on, but this shouldn’t be a reason for the cat to behave unnaturally. Indeed, it wasn’t just Vortex who looked at him in shock. The cat, lying on its stomach, was directly positioned opposite a house mouse which also felt himself observed by Chris.  Both archenemies were united in the rather stupid looks they cast at Chris who, had he not been startled by the presence of a mouse, would have laughed heartily at this. The – especially for the animals – embarrassing moment, was suddenly interrupted by the mouse, which disappeared with a rush under a corner cupboard, where Chris knew that there was a gap in the skirting board.

However, the disappearance of the mouse did not make the situation any less peculiar, as Vortex jumped onto the sofa, yawned and proceeded to clean himself extensively, as if the preceding had never happened.

Vortex!’ cried Chris, ‘That was a mouse, loser! A mouse! What a brilliant mouse catcher you are! Failed fool!’

He was wide awake now. After emptying his bladder, through all the commotion in and beside the toilet bowl, he made his way back to the living room, where Vortex had by now fallen into a deep sleep, or at least wanted to give that impression. Chris sat down next to him on the couch and started rolling a joint. During these pursuits, the tomcat slept on, but his master, who had by now recovered from the shock, remained convinced that he was being tricked by the beast. It did not surprise him, therefore, that only a gentle tap on Vortex’s cranium made the cat open its eyes. This did not result in a look of feline satisfaction. Its tail slapped harder and harder on the seat of the sofa, and this rhythm of irritation made Chris laugh.

‘Ohyeahman?’ he said. ‘Are you disagreeing again? You should be ashamed of yourself! You should have at least torn that mouse to pieces, just like that, just for fun! It’s unnatural what you did! With your little life of luxury!

The cat’s tail movements had stopped. It stood up, turned its back towards Chris and lay back down.

‘Just ignore me, shitshaker! Let me tell you, what kind of world you actually live in, and that world is not paradise! Yes, for you and me maybe, but for a lot of people and pooches it is not! No! Look at Aalienaa, for instance, you know, when you were showing off being the invisible cat.’ He held his finger in front of his mouth and whispered. ‘With that father, dead, on the motorway, probably sabotage…. But that’s nothing yet, hey, are you listening?’

Chris stood up and now sat down on the other side of Vortex, who had his eyes open and still exhibited a disgruntled look. ‘Apart from the fact that you have to keep your paws off lamps, the fact is that the history of meat teaches us that there are strict rules that a human, and yes, a cat too, Vortex, has to abide by, otherwise it becomes a mess. I’ll name a few, and put them in your stupid, stupid ears!’

As he lit his joint, he thought about the aforementioned rules and realised he had been regularly talking to a pet for the past few weeks.

‘So those rules… Actually, the bottom line is that everything you learn, about what a human being should not and may not do, is actually precisely what is done in matters of importance. And since we are still here, we are doing something very, very right! Homo Sapiens is a great success, you hear me? How it all works with cats I don’t know, but one thing is clear: you should kill a mouse, pacifist! Humanely if necessary!’

Vortex yawned.